Water, Water, Everywhere ...

They’re everywhere; at the mall, in the car, at the store, on the kitchen counter, in the pews at church, at the park, by the pond, at the seminar, anywhere a human is, there, they shall be. No, I’m not speaking about the glorious cellular phone that at times seems to be biologically fused to everyone’s hand and ear. I am speaking about the water bottle.

Like an oat bran tornado the ‘drink water’ crowd has taken up residence and they are certainly showing no signs that they are slowing for the markets keep on growing. Unlike a delicious Wonka bar expansion our obsession with drinking water has brought a new level of annoyance to the social gathering.

Health reasons notwithstanding, the ‘feed my thirst’ brigade has infiltrated our social fabric and the mildew is spreading. Barely can one have a conversation without them pausing ever so trendily to sip on the spout of their favorite water bottle. This aqua-feeding is almost as annoying as the backpack craze where people of all ages carry around half of their earthly possessions in frameless packs looking like vagabond despots heading into exile.

Hyponatremians beware. Trends come and go, but living on the edge as a bloated amphibian may be fatal. If the Lord wanted us to consume that much water through constant sipping he would have given us trunks for noses. If you feel the need to join the water craze please have enough courtesy to sip in private and the next time you order a water, no ice, with lemon at lunch, I’m going to call your cell phone from across the table.