Tis the Season

Here we go again. The accelerated and complete chronology crunch is upon us as the close of the year sprints towards our event planner. As I get older, it seems to me that the years grow shorter and I feel like all the old men I used to mock as I pontificate about how quickly days go by.

What is it about life that leads one to become their elders far too soon? What is it about the calendar that seems to be fleeting as your sunsets increase? Is this inevitability or am I just trapped in a cultural acid trip, wrapped in a sale ad from Macy’s?

Well, I don’t think I’ll solve that mystery tonight, but I do know that it is the season to be jolly so I suppose that means it is now time for me to ‘fa’ my ‘la-la-la-la’ and spend some cash. Soon the halls of malls will be filled with madness and credit card warriors bustling down the merchandise highway looking for the right exit.

I take a simple approach to Christmas shopping. I actually stay in my budget and refuse to go into debt. If all I can afford is a cupcake with two candy corns pushed into it with red and green icing, then that’s what you will receive. If I can afford a leather cowboy hat and you like to ride horses and aren’t allergic to dead cow skin, then you might receive a Stetson.

Tis’ the season to be jolly and there are two holidays coexisting at the same time. One is the savior of retail marketing and the other is focused on the Savior of the world. I hope you direct your bifocals towards the latter and see the former for what it is.

72 Signs

Is it just me or am I the only sane person when I shop?

It's an amazing phenomenon. It seems as though when people leave their homes they forget all that their moms taught them – primarily, how to read. Ever see that overly stressed woman with two and half kids hanging on her stretched out sleeve who’s fallen for the positive parenting workbook and video myth just standing there at the counter asking questions that are answered in seventy-two size font right in front of her?

“Do you take checks?” WE DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS
“Where are the bathrooms?” BATHROOMS -->
“Can I return this sale item if it doesn’t work out?” NO RETURNS ON SALE ITEMS

Perhaps there is a certain retinal dilation that happens in some stores. Maybe the lights are just enough off kilter to create a diffusion that causes blurring. Or maybe some people are just goofy. Sometimes it seems as though you are the only sane one in the place doesn’t it? You see the signs and read them and refrain from asking seventy-two font questions.

Then again there are days when I don’t see the signs at all and I hardly even see the people. All that I can see is task. Enter. Find. Buy. Retreat. Maybe men are born with DRS (Diffused Retina Syndrome) and a homing pigeon cranium woven into their feet.

Patience is a virtue, yes. But only when I can read the signs.

Popular Votes and the Destruction of Political Myths

Well, President Georg W. Bush won the election and managed to obtain the largest popular vote margin in history, 3.5 million.

The Democrats think that by having more folks come to the polls they win. Wrong O.
The Democrats think that by running on a non-existent stand based on contrarianism they will motivate and enlighten the masses to cast a ballot their way. Wrong O.
The Democrats think that Americans are basically bafoons and puppets who eat TV dinners infront of Dan Rather while digesting last night's feast of pollster news. Wrong O again.

We now have a unique thing in our society - alternative media. Thanks to the likes of The Drudge Report and easily-purchased and maintained web sites like www.swiftvets.com people are able to bypass the traditional information networks. I can foresee a day when we no longer see the television being a funnel tube for fancy fictiously fanatic socialism masquerading as Americanism. I can see the day fast approaching where we will have a complete media cafeteria at our fingertips.

We are almost there now with highspeed internet and certain forces such as Rush Limbaugh and Fox News, but we need more and we will see more, and we will use more. The old myths have been destroyed. The new paradigm has been planted.

Bush won and he won heartily. The nation has spoken.