72 Signs

Is it just me or am I the only sane person when I shop?

It's an amazing phenomenon. It seems as though when people leave their homes they forget all that their moms taught them – primarily, how to read. Ever see that overly stressed woman with two and half kids hanging on her stretched out sleeve who’s fallen for the positive parenting workbook and video myth just standing there at the counter asking questions that are answered in seventy-two size font right in front of her?

“Do you take checks?” WE DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS
“Where are the bathrooms?” BATHROOMS -->
“Can I return this sale item if it doesn’t work out?” NO RETURNS ON SALE ITEMS

Perhaps there is a certain retinal dilation that happens in some stores. Maybe the lights are just enough off kilter to create a diffusion that causes blurring. Or maybe some people are just goofy. Sometimes it seems as though you are the only sane one in the place doesn’t it? You see the signs and read them and refrain from asking seventy-two font questions.

Then again there are days when I don’t see the signs at all and I hardly even see the people. All that I can see is task. Enter. Find. Buy. Retreat. Maybe men are born with DRS (Diffused Retina Syndrome) and a homing pigeon cranium woven into their feet.

Patience is a virtue, yes. But only when I can read the signs.